After interviewing participants at two kinkster dinners, and
significant Web research I attended a monthly meeting of the Bay
Area Rope Club in Oakland. It's a gathering of people who tie
each other up. The tying style is Shibari, a Japanese tradition.
It is also known as Kinbaku.
Takate Kote (高手小手; TK, or Box tie).
Common base tie.
Print available at
Fine Art Prints
You can see the
front tie portion as well at the
Two Cranes Gallery site.Suspension. Women working with women is commonMany artistic depictions of Shibari
Print available at
fineartamericaUnderstand: local studios strongly emphasize
explicit, and detailed consent...including pronouns
The venue is a studio dedicated to the activity. Rubber matting makes
the floor easy to work on. Hanging from the ceiling are fist-diameter
bamboo beams, each as long as a person. The lighting is dim, but
offers plenty of lumens to see what you are doing.
Lobby, and Tying Work Area
Maybe 30 people are gathered, mostly in pairs, two singles, counting
me. Slightly more women than men. Ages range from late thirties into
the seventies. Body types cover the gamut. Everyone wears gym clothes,
mostly tight fitting, though there is one kimono type male, and two
thongs, one female, one male.
A ticket is required to enter. The door is locked; I need to ring the
bell. Cubbies hold my motorcycle clothes as I strip down to bicycle
shorts and a somewhat fitted T-shirt. Not too fitted, though my side
rolls wouldn't have rolled any eyes if I had gone a size
smaller. Plenty of bio mass in the room.
I instantly grasp that I am way out of my depth. I am a toddler amidst
100m Olympic runners. Not that I come unprepared. I practiced my
mermaid tie, and a woven crotch tie. I tied and released single, and
double column ties on my standing lamp at home, and on myself.
Single Column TieDouble Column TieYes, I did practice the basics [these aren't mine,
though; they're what the knots should look like]
But, inferiority starts with my tools. I am still waiting for my hemp
rope from TwistedMonk.
Consequently, I am the only person with cotton
rope. Cotton! I stand out as the amateur I am. Instantly.
Around me, couples tie each other up in the most intricate patterns. No
ropes cross without a purpose. All windings are beautifully
parallel. Of course though, much easier with hemp or jute than cotton
rope. There is that in my favor. Rope envy chafes like rope burn.
Most participants tie their rope partner into intricate shapes, then
thread more rope through pre-architected loops in the bindings. The
only accessories that are not rope are Karabiners hanging from the
bamboo beams. They serve in place of pulleys to hoist partners into
three dimensional Macramé sculptures, floating above the mats. No
other metal is at play.
Cheers rise in a corner where a woman is suspended, her limbs
sprawling in ropes. Balloons float around her, and we all sing Happy
Birthday for her.
One woman is going it alone. She starts by pulling one leg up towards
the bamboo beam with an overhead rope around her thigh. She now stands on
one leg. All else is constructed from this awkward position. No photography
is allowed in the studio, other than of your partner. So I can't illustrate
the amazing procedure as I witnessed it. You can get a much simplified,
but quick idea here.
Much simplified example in a three-minute video
First, a harness around her
torso develops. She began her project with many ropes thrown over the
beam, easy for her to grasp. But as she works, one by one those slip
off onto the floor. I feel the need to save her from having to undo
all the partial work, to get that hemp, pooling on the floor around
her single, grounded foot. She laughs at my offer to pick them up for
her.
"I'll get them. That's part of the fun!"
Sure enough when she requires more rope for the work, she has enough
rigging in place that she can swing, and pick up what she needs with
her toes. She keeps working, and finally reaches downwards, behind
her, towards a loop at three feet off the ground, tied into a hanging
rope. She placed that loop there long ago, when I didn't even understand her
project.
The woman blindly finds that loop, and threads yet another rope
through it. She pulls on that rope, and magically lifts herself
entirely off the ground into a horizontal, floating position. I feel
like applauding, but that would be gauche.
While being a voyeuristic perv, I don't want to look like one. So I
sit on the floor, leaning against a wall, weaving my mermaid tail
around the length of my legs. Shame of inadequacy pulses through
me. It's the cotton rope.
And also, that my loops don't stay
centered. The knots are uneven. I keep getting stuck, because I am
self conscious. The basic two column tie eludes me now, under
pressure. I fold what I think are the turns, but the knots dissolve as
I pull to tighten them. I try visualizing in three dimensions. But 3D
has always been one of my week spaces.
My Mermaid vs. Marvelous Mermaids I was going for the braid, anatomically inapproriate as it is for me.
Got to be the cotton rope that is messing mine up... Or the disorderly mind
evidenced by the desk under my post-event reproduction for this post.
The woven crotch tie comes out OK, but anatomically, it's meant for a
woman. I haven't found a version for the other design. I will. And
once the TwistedMonk package arrives, it'll be awesome. Why is it taking so long?
Is it their The finest rope for the finest people?
Or the Handcrafted
for the discerning rigger? Or their ethical sourcing that's holding
up delivery: Rope with a conscience!?
As I sit in my mermaids tail for a bit, just to demonstrate that I
know anything at all, I classify the participants' apparent
experiences. The solo woman is having fun solving the complex puzzle
of establishing enough support points on her body to accomplish that
self hoist.
Two couples quietly run a dominance and submission scenario. Nothing
flashy. Mostly hinted at by a bit more skin showing than on other
participants. The respective partners are deeply involved with each
other.
Even more deeply involved are the couples for whom the tying
interaction is an expression of trust on one side, and caring on the
other. As rope bottoms' immobilization on the floor progresses, the
couples frequently pause to hug, hold and smile at each other.
For another category the activity is one of collaborative
engineering. The two women next to me have fifteen coils of rope ready
on the floor. They begin by talking through the specs of their
plan. Then they begin, continuously consulting on next steps. Once the
rope bottom is suspended, they modify her position in space. Curled in
a ball, switching to where her limbs are sprawled. The mobile partner
takes a photo of each position, likely for their post project critiquing review.
A number of high level tying goals are common. The original 17th
Century practice was punitive. The erotic tone entered in the 19th,
transforming into its intimate partnering form in the 20th.
Today, there is predicament bondage, where the rope bottom enjoys
controlled freedom of movement, but their possible positions are
binary. As described by an instructor,
One position is terrible, and delicious. The other is terrible and
delicious. You choose.
Another goal was described to me as the rope bottom reaching a sense
of calm. No motion is possible, and none is required. A meditative
state opens as a possibility. I imagine a womb like experience. The
scenes before me bear out this emotional experience.
Related are role plays that have one person transfer power to the
other. Maybe because in everyday life the surrendering person holds
plenty of power and the accompanying responsibility. They want to
experience the opposite.
Will I strive towards Shibari mastery? No. I would not have the
patience. Might I experiment with the simple ties, in both
roles? Sure, if the opportunity arises. Unfortunately, the beginners
classes are waitlisted three months out. Much is occurring out there
that does not meet vanilla eyes.
